Jack Frost
by AutobotAlly
Summary: It's the Holidays, but it seems someone is causing some trouble. Or is justice being made a fool of? Step into the feet of the Joker and see how his world is in his point of view.


Author Note: I have yet to update my other story, but y'know, life. And as they say: when life gives you lemons, listen to Cave Johnson. I'll be working on the Young Justice story as soon as I can. This little "holiday special" was actually an English assignment from last year (we had to write about a lie we told and describe the outcome and whatnot). Of course me being me, rather than making it about a lie I've told, I made this story about Joker, in his point of view (to play it safe, I'm going to say this is an OOC Joker; AU as well. This is kind of how I portray Joker acting and thinking. Hope this doesn't cause any upset fans of his!). My teacher enjoyed it, and I hope you all do as well. Happy Holidays and happy New Year!

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**Jack Frost**

Here I am once again. In Arkham Asylum, the place I call home. Nothing to do; oh woe's me, woe's me! Hehahahaha! Look at who is approaching my cell now, good ole Cash. My personal favorite of the slime they call security guards, hehe. "Joker, Dr. Penelope is ready to speak with you now. Let's go!" he yipped. That time already, eh? Oh, Dr. Penelope, hehe, I did not miss you one bit. You stick your sleazy fingers into the minds of us criminals. We didn't even ask for help, did we? I don't believe we did. Guess that's beside the point.

"Hey there boys, careful now, don't mess up the hair. I want to look nice for Ms. Penelope," I profoundly stated while the men chained my arms and legs so I wouldn't make _another_ escape. The walk to the "consulting" room was pleasant, even if I was the only one laughing at my own jokes. I entered the room where the _beloved_ Dr. Penelope was waiting for me. She sat there watching my every move as I went to sit in the "consulting" chair, as we inmates called it. What's going through my mind? Well, nothing of course! Except for what the Doc is going to ask, but it's obvious. She's going to ask how I managed to escape yesterday, because escaping apparently isn't easy. Then, I'll lie. I'll lie to her like I always do. I'll lie to her like I lie to everyone else.

"You understand why I scheduled an urgent appointment with you?" she asked. Well, now. I'm rather disappointed in you, Dr. Penelope. You _never _start your sessions like this; you always ask how my day is or how I'm doing. I'm ashamed, heheha.

"Well, of course I do!" I started, "You missed me way too much!"

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "I want to know why and how you escaped the Asylum yesterday."

Ugh, how I dread these "therapy" appointments. "Doc, why so serious? All I wanted was some fresh air, hehehehaha." I remarked. I could tell she didn't have any patience tonight.

"Joker, would you rather me postpone this appointment until you're ready to talk?" she said, glaring at me like I stole her favorite dolly.

"No, no! I can't! I couldn't ask you for that," I said dramatically "so I'll tell you now, I suppose. I'll tell you how I managed to lie to escape, and how I kept on lying. I guess you could say I was Gotham's very own Jack Frost. Almost ruining Christmas, by having my men rob a bank."

"I had none of it planned. I just went with it; I was spontaneous! I first started off by lying to a loyal Arkham security guard. I told him he'd be my right-hand man if he got me out of here. He'd have better benefits than other henchmen of mine; better benefits than victims. After I convinced him, with what seemed liked the whole world, he agreed. On the night of December 22nd, I told him what to do." I thought I'd take a little breather and let her take in what I said.

"And what did you tell him to do?" she asked me as she wrote on her notepad.

"I told him to start a riot."

"A riot? You mean the one at the bank? That happened the morning of the 23rd?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes, that's the one. I had him send some of my men to the Gotham City bank and start a riot and rob the bank. That way, the law enforcement would be distracted by them and James, the loyal Arkham guard who assisted me on making my escape out of the Asylum." I grinned at her shocked, befuddled expression.

"Not as elaborate as I thought… so why did you do it?" she questioned.

"Well, with poor security like Arkham's, there is no need for an elaborate plan. Why did I do this, you ask? Because, the Batman and I are destined to do this forever. We are destined to set traps and go after each other. It's in our nature." I quickly responded.

"You've got to be planning something else. Did you place a bomb on a train? In a building? Let loose insane criminals somewhere? What are you planning?" she questioned, concerned.

I couldn't help but laugh maniacally. I continued my story, "Doc, have you heard of Schrodinger's cat?" she nodded without hesitation. "Excellent, have you heard of the Batma-What am I saying!? Of course you have!" I could tell I lost her and threw her off. She had that puzzled look on her face.

"What are you talking about? What does Schrodinger's cat have to do with Batman?" she asked.

Hehehe, oh Doc you are such a riot! Maybe I should contemplate on things before I tell her-Ah, who am I kidding! She'll find out eventually! "You got me, Doc! I'll tell you! I'll spill the beans! I was trying to bamboozle you, but I failed! Failed I tell you!" I wept as though I was Juliet discovering my one true love, Romeo, dead; inert on the ground. Hehehehahaha!

"Enough, Joker! Stop beating around the bush! Tell me what your real plan is, and no lies!" she spoke with fear and desperation. I admired it, yet hated it at the same time.

"Fine. No lies. Schrodinger's cat is a test where the cat is put in a box and-"

"Depending on some random event, the cat would be either dead or alive. I know, get to the point" she said so rudely.

"I was, until you rudely interrupted. You know, I never interrupt you when you talk. Not nice, Doc." She rolled her eyes as I continued, "The cat's fate is similar to people's fate with Two-Face. It's a 50/50 chance of survival."

"You know where Two-Face is!? He has been missing for three weeks! Where is he!?" she scolded, almost jumping out of her seat. I stayed silent, knowing that I was now in control. I had two choices: lie and tell her I have no idea where he is, or be a good little lad and tell her the truth. HA! WHO DO THEY THINK I AM? ABE LINCOLN!?

"Don't jump to conclusions now, doctor; brings the worst out of people. I never said I knew where the infamous Two-Face is currently located." I said, sounding like a salesman.

"You were hinting it…"

"Oh, you know me too well! Caught me red-handed." I threw my hands up as though I were being held at gunpoint.

"You realize you're putting millions of lives at risk by lying and hiding the location of Two-Face? And on Christmas Eve! That's cold, even for you, Joker."

"Just call me Jack Frost! Hehehehaha!"

"This isn't a jokin-Almost forgot who I was talking to…" she sighed. It got silent and I was losing my fun. "Seems I'm getting nowhere with you." I glanced at her and shrugged,

"Didn't realize we were going anywhere." That comment must have tipped the scales, because after I said that she asked Cash to bring in our 'special guest'. This caught my attention! "Who is it, Doc? Tell me! Is it the warden? Or is it Santa, coming to tell me how I'm on the naughty list again? Hehahaha! Or, how abou-"

"Me." said a deep, masculine voice. I glanced over to see Batman, standing next to Cash.

"Oh it's a Christmas miracle! Just what I've always wanted! I was on the nice list, thank you Santa!" I cheered, clapping like a prissy little girl.

"Where's Two-Face?" He asked, in a firm manner. Not blinking or moving a muscle. "WHERE IS HE?"

"Don't get your suit in a bunch, Bats! It's Christmas Eve! Can't a man just go to his cell and relax for the holidays?"

"Not until you tell me what you're planning and where Two-Face is."

"On the contrary, Two-Face is in on the scheme as well… so why won't you ask him when you see him?"

"I would, if you would tell me where he is."

"He's shopping."

"Shopping?"

"AM I SPEAKING KLINGON, BATS?"

"WHERE IS HE?"

"I told you. He's shopping. Most likely for Christmas presents since it's that time of year, hehehahaha. For who? I have no idea. Catwoman, maybe?" I could see the rage in Batman's eyes. It was amusing. He slammed his fist on the table in front of me, his eyes gleaming with determination and anger.

"What shopping area?" he asked; his voice fierce.

"You tell me. What's the most populated shopping center, even during the holidays?" I grinned at the sight of the light bulb flickering on in that empty skull of his.

"The Gotham City Mall…" he mumbled.

"Busiest place, even during the busiest time of the year, and you know… he could have hostages or a bomb in that mall. Or hostages AND a bomb! Hehehehahaha!" He rushed off, in hopes of finding Two-Face shopping, and doing nothing else. I grinned, and then chuckled; then laughed maniacally.

"How do you find humor in other's pain and misery? How long are you going to keep lying, Joker? It's sickening," Dr. Penelope chimed.

I groaned, "Oh, Doc. That's why I'm here. You're trying to fix me, remember? You're doing great by the way. And lighten up, it's Christmas Eve! HAHAHA!"

"Take him back to hi-"

"Dr. Penelope!" Cash interrupted, rushing back in the consulting room from receiving urgent news.

"Cash, what is it?"

"I just got word that Two-Face is back in Arkham. The past three weeks he was at an Asylum in Metropolis, and they just **now** transferred him." I couldn't help but burst into laughter. Their faces! Their fear! I was crying, because of the hilarity.

"Joker! It was all a lie? You made us worry about innocent lives that were never in danger, you made many of us leave our families, and you deceived Batman. Oh, no! Batman! We need to warn him!" Ms. Penelope yelped.

"Everything is taken care of, Ms. Penelope. Commissioner Gordon and his men are on their way to tell him about Two-Face, and what the Joker did." Cash assured.

"Good. Take him back to his cell. I've had enough…" she said as she rubbed her temple. Cash nodded, and signaled for his men to assist in chaining my arms and legs again. This time they had a tough time, because I was laughing so hard I couldn't sit still! When they finally got the chains on, they had to drag me by my arms to my cell. Where they locked me up once again; with my laughter echoing through the halls as I sang Christmas carols.

Batman entered the mall, cautious with every step. He was baffled by the emptiness. When he got to the central building of the mall, he saw a gift in the middle of the room. He looked at the tag that read:

_To: Bats_

_From: Joe Kurr_

_Merry Christmas, old chap!_

"Joe Kurr… Joe… Kurr… Joker!" Batman solved profoundly. He quickly opened the gift and out shot confetti and chatter teeth. Then Christmas music started playing throughout the mall and a Christmas card was lying on the ground, it said:

"_Dear Bats,_

_Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Really thought I was going to tell you the truth? Thought I'd spill the truth and let you know what I've got planned? Ruins the fun. Once a man lies, he can't stop. It's human nature, and everyone lies eventually. See you next year. Stay batty._

_Sincerely,_

_Joe Kurr"_

Commissioner Gordon and some of his men came barging through the mall entrance. Batman turned to them and firmly, but ever so softly, said "It was a scam."

"Two-Face was in Metropolis for the past three weeks." Gordon said, out of breath.

"Joker lied and found amusement out of making everyone worry over nothing. Especially on Christmas Eve; holiday is stressful enough." Batman jokingly said.

"Yeah, just hope this is all it was. I'll have my men pa-"

"Gordon, go home; same for your men. Enjoy your holiday. I'll search the mall and patrol all suspicious areas around Gotham just in case he lied again." Batman veered as he walked off.

"Oh... alright. Thank you, Batman. Merry Christmas." Gordon cheered as he left.

"And a happy New Year." Batman muttered.


End file.
